


November Sky

by NanakiBH



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, M/M, Melancholy, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 21:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8637940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: Hope is nearer than it seems.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for howbadcanibe @ tumblr for the Komahina Exchange.
> 
> The prompt was: "post dr3, komaeda and hajime/izuru figuring things out about themselves and each other."

“Today looks like...”

Komaeda's words quietly vanished as his eyes remained on the window, his hands resting in his lap over the white sheets. Something about the clean light that touched the corner of the hospital room made him take pause. The way the dust floated gently in the air, always there yet suddenly made noticeable by the light...

As if hesitating to see what else the light would show him, he lifted his head and looked at the one standing at the foot of his bed.

“Komaeda?” Hinata asked, feet in place, hands at his sides. “Are you alright?”

It didn't matter how many times he saw him. Whenever his green and red eyes glistened in the fading dusk light, Komaeda felt as though he were seeing him for the first time. Before him was the real Hinata. And he didn't need to look farther than the end of his own left arm to be assured that he was the real Komaeda, alive again after walking to the end of a very convincing dream.

“I...” He didn't know why it made him feel like he might spring to tears. There was nothing to be sad about. “I was wondering if you would like to go outside for a while. Or- Rather, really, you don't have to accompany me. I've just been in here for a long time now and my legs are getting restless.”

That wasn't the truth at all.

Some habits were too hard to break. In truth, he really wanted Hinata to follow him. There wasn't any point in leaving if Hinata didn't go with him. There was no point in going outside at all if Hinata wasn't there, too. He actually liked staying inside. He would've been happy to stay in that bed feigning sickness if he had to as long as it meant that he could continue to receive visits from him.

Such selfishness was unlike him, but he didn't have much else. A person without want was bound to wither. Hinata had been so kind as to wake him, to heal him, and watch his condition, so, even if it felt like selfishness, Komaeda felt a need to be near him. He didn't have a reason to live, but he felt grateful, so the least he could do was repay him, and then...

And then...?

“Sure,” Hinata said. “As long as you feel up to it, I don't mind. Your jacket is still here. I know you get cold easily.”

He went across the room to retrieve his coat and Komaeda watched, feeling strangely like he was watching a different person. He didn't remember Hinata's shoulders looking that straight. For as long as it had been since he awoke, he thought that Hinata sounded different, too. Sometimes he was there; the Hinata he remembered from the island. Other times, he was someone else. But always, he was Hinata.

Komaeda wondered if anyone else got that feeling about him. He wondered if anyone else gave it more than a passing thought.

Hinata handed him his jacket. After a few lame attempts at getting his left arm through the sleeve, Hinata grasped it for him and helped him with it.

“Sorry. Souda gave me an update today. He said it's almost ready, so you won't have to put up with this for much longer. Hang in there.”

Komaeda nodded. He felt somewhat numb at the thought, but he smiled anyway. “That's fantastic. I'm looking forward to it. I really miss my hand.”

_Stupid_ , he thought, berating himself, wishing he hadn't said that out loud. He hoped that his casual attitude was enough to cover up how badly he missed his hand – how stupid he felt for harming himself for her sake. It was supposed to be a reminder. He'd planned to find a way to repay her for the terrible things she'd done to them, yet he'd only made things worse and more difficult for himself. Surely, if she'd been alive, she would have laughed at his foolishness.

“Don't worry about it,” Hinata said, as if he were able to read his thoughts.

Komaeda's eyes went to Hinata's hand as he loosely grasped his right wrist, gesturing for him to stand. Even the careful strength in each of Hinata's fingers felt unfamiliar. At the back of his mind, Komaeda couldn't shake the feeling that it reminded him of someone. Before he could stop himself, he was speaking to that person directly.

“Why didn't you stop us?”

Hinata was completely still without a hint of surprise, like he'd been waiting for him to ask. “I didn't know how wrong she was. I had to see for myself,” he said simply.

At least he was honest. “It's alright,” Komaeda said, shaking his head softly, looking up at Hinata's face. “I'm not blaming you. Just, if the person who deserves the blame is dead, then I end up...”

It didn't matter whether he finished his sentence. Hinata caught his meaning. “That's a lot to blame yourself for.”

“Too presumptuous, right? I'm not some grand mastermind. The only bad things that happen because of me happen because of sheer coincidence. Or, well...” He paused, smiling in spite of himself; a curious smile. “Not anymore, it seems. I don't know what to make of that yet.”

Hinata's fingers tightened slightly as he helped him up. “I don't know, either. Isn't that exciting, though? What we do now is our decision.”

It was interesting. Maybe a little frustrating. His problems seemed to be interesting and entertaining to Hinata, but, instead of feeling annoyed by that, Komaeda was glad. The smile on Hinata's face looked so free, like he was excited by the thought of watching him and witnessing the unpredictable future. To Komaeda, there was something frightening about it still; the idea that the future could be any number of things. In a way, he wanted to back up and go back to the way things used to be, when everything could be easily predicted by his luck. But between the two choices, that was no choice at all.

 

They made it outside without running into anyone. Komaeda was kind of relieved about that. He wasn't sure what to think about how kindly everyone else was suddenly treating him. In the program, they all disliked him, and even before that, back when they were a class. They never liked him. He couldn't help but feel like their change of heart was disingenuous.

He didn't want to think about that, but he ended up thinking about it anyway. He tried not to let it get to him. It was difficult, but it was becoming easier for him to control his thoughts.

It was the first time he'd stepped foot outside of the clinic after waking up. It had been so long since he'd felt the wind on his face, he'd nearly forgotten what it felt like. Everything within the program had felt so realistic, but it couldn't compare to the real thing. The difference was clear once he was surrounded by the outside air, tasting the slightly salty humidity on his breath.

The island in the program had been perfect, but it was too perfect to be real. There was no mistaking the feeling of unease along the horizon. The sky, slowly being absorbed by the darkness of night, was dyed in an unsettling shade of red. That was reality. The dark clouds that hid the stars were reality.

The moon, visible in the late evening sky, appeared above the sun as if laughing at its descent.

Despair still existed. That was the world he awoke to. There was no reality where every day was sunny, where the waves were crystal clear, where everything and everyone was peaceful and happy.

He was glad to confirm that for himself, to step outside and feel it. Once they reached the shore and his sandaled feet sunk into the sand, he was able to release a long-held sigh, reassured by the world's terribleness. The dark sky he looked at was not unlike the one he'd seen every other day of his life, but, for a change, he felt like he was able to look at it without feeling oppressed by it. In itself, that was also a very intimidating feeling, but it rolled off of him without sticking.

“What do you think?” Hinata asked.

Tucking his hospital gown underneath himself, Komaeda sat down in the sand and hugged his knees. Hinata was right. “It's cold.”

Hinata laughed and took a seat next to him. “So then the jacket was a good decision. You see? You can count on me to know things.”

He really had become unexpectedly reliable. Hinata seemed a lot different from the boy he met on the beach who fainted after a bit of startling news. Komaeda still remembered the way he'd held his head between his knees and muttered to himself, how quick his breathing had been. He'd been really worried about him then. It was almost hard to imagine him as the same person.

He wanted to get to know him.

“Hinata-kun, what do you think of me?”

At his question, Hinata turned toward him, his eyes round. “Huh?” Gradually, the surprise slipped off his face as he began to think, placing his fingers under his chin. “Hm... Let's see. It's not easy to answer a question like that. I feel like I've known you for a long time, but the time we interacted was actually fairly short. The time we've spent together in the clinic hardly counts because you've been more like my patient than anything else, so...”

“Is it really that hard?” Komaeda asked, tilting his head. “Am I... not boring?”

That must have been the question Hinata was really trying to solve.

“Boring...?” Hinata echoed. He placed his hands down at his sides, onto the sand. He looked away and continued to speak. “That word is unfair. No person is simply boring or interesting. A person is a collection of moments, mundane and fantastic. I don't think there's anything wrong with the ordinary now. When I first set foot on the island, I wanted to go back to the way things used to be. It took such a situation to make me realize how valuable my normal, everyday life was.”

Komaeda allowed a few moments of silence to pass before humming skeptically.

Hinata floundered, returning to his usual self. “So, what I mean is... You're not boring. I want to listen to you this time. I... want to know more about you.”

Weird. It sounded like they wanted the same thing.

Considering how upside down the real world felt, Komaeda couldn't even tell himself that it was impossible. Almost immediately, he wanted to believe what Hinata said. Even when their memories misled them, Hinata had never given him a reason to doubt the things he said.

“I felt so stupid for forgetting you,” Hinata said, looking down at the sand between his knees.

Leaning back, resting his weight on his one hand, Komaeda nodded slowly. “It's fine. It's not like I was anyone worth remembering, right?”

The look he received for saying that made him regret saying anything at all.

He still thought that he had no greater importance to the world. He simply existed, but his existence made others suffer, so it would have been better if he wasn't there. That was the thought he'd been fighting since he awoke. It was difficult to figure out why Hinata would have helped him if it weren't for some hard-to-understand, personal reason, but... Was that possible?

The struggle between hope and despair wasn't the same as what he remembered anymore, so his reasons for devoting himself weren't the same, either. When he looked toward the darkening horizon, it was hard to see the next day. He understood why that must have interested Hinata, but it was frightening, not knowing what was on the other side.

“You don't have any more intentions of dying, do you?” Hinata asked.

He couldn't. Hinata had been kind enough to bring him back, so...

But...

“It's not easy to answer a question like that...”

“Why?”

Well, that was fast. Though, he'd had a lot of time to think about the reasons, staring out the window every day, so he didn't have a reason not to tell him.

Sitting back up, covering his left wrist with his hand, Komaeda looked at the waves. “Because. I already died once, you know? I thought I did well. Even if my life had been worthless, I was able to do something good in the end. As it turns out, though, I was delusional. Big surprise, right?” He laughed sadly at himself, but of course Hinata didn't share his humor. “I know that I have a second chance now. I know that I can still help everyone work towards returning things to the way they used to be, but... Imagine if we accomplish that. Then what? What will I have to be happy about? I don't think I can talk confidently about hope anymore.”

“You talked about it all the time, so it must have meant something to you. Do you remember? What did it mean?”

It was just a dream – a dream that came true but wasn't as incredible as he'd imagined.

“I wanted to live without the interference of my luck. I thought that would make me happy.” But that wasn't quite true, implying that he wasn't happy. Occasionally, he really was. “I-... I only feel happy as long as I get to see you. But-” Komaeda shot up onto his knees and turned toward Hinata, shoving his hand into the sand, his voice rising in panic. “I know how that sounds! I'm not trying to put any unnecessary responsibility on you. So just forget I said anything. It's my problem, so... It's fine.”

It really wasn't. He didn't feel fine anymore.

Saying that it was fine was like telling Hinata that it was alright if he walked away from him. At some point down the line, that was bound to happen anyway. Even if he continued to hold on to his old hope, then it would still be lost someday when Hinata inevitably left. His luck would return and he would get swept back into its cycle and then everything would be the same as it used to be. Everyone else could be happy. The sun could shine every day and the waves could stay crystal clear, and he would be by himself again.

That was the way things had to be. The world had a plan for him. It couldn't be at peace unless he wasn't.

If it was for everyone else's sake, then he was prepared to shoulder that weight again. They were all more important than him, so he wanted them to be happy and live to their fullest potential. Just, after he'd woken up and after Hinata had helped him recover, it had become a lot easier for him to understand his own thoughts. So, even if he couldn't let himself say it, he knew what it was he really wanted.

He wanted the sky to stay red and dark. He didn't want to have to trade his happiness for their clear skies.

He wanted to be happy more than anything. Those brief moments of happiness that he felt when he was together with Hinata only made him want it more. If that happiness was taken away from him and if he was plunged back into the cycle of misfortune, there was no telling what would happen to him, so he couldn't confidently answer Hinata's question. He couldn't tell Hinata what he wanted to hear.

“Komaeda.” He felt Hinata's hands on his shoulders. “...Do you think I'm going somewhere?”

“Maybe not now, but like... A month from now? A year? Maybe a week, I don't know. Eventually, you'll have to move on and do your own thing without me and I'll get caught up in my luck again.”

“Is that what you were thinking? I'm sorry for not stopping you sooner, then. Let me be more straightforward.” He took in a breath. He looked at him firmly, but Komaeda found it hard to meet his eyes, afraid of what emotion he might find there. “I still remember what you told me, that time when you confided in me. It's how I remembered about your condition. Were you hoping I would forget or something?”

“Wh... What are you talking about? I didn't... say anything...”

“Yeah, maybe you didn't. I might've been pretty dense too, but I figured out what you were really trying to say.” His hands stayed on his shoulders for an extra second before sliding away. “Anyway, I said I wouldn't beat around the bush. So. I like you. Alright? I mean it the way it sounds, so don't do any mental acrobatics to try to refute it. I don't expect that to solve all of your problems, but I want to help. Because I like you.”

That was...

He really...?

“I, uh... I don't know what to say right now. Sorry, I... I just didn't think that you-... I mean, I thought that I would be the one who-...” More like, he thought that he would never actually say it out loud. That one botched attempt at a confession had been enough. After that, he figured that if Hinata didn't figure it out for himself, then he would never say anything again, but it looked like Hinata really _had_ figured it out.

If he'd just stayed dead, he wouldn't have had to experience such a surprise. Komaeda didn't know if his heart could handle that turn of events.

Hinata looked down, sending a glance at Komaeda's hand, resting on the sand between them. “...Can I hold your hand?”

Komaeda struggled to get his words out around the breath that was stuck in his throat. “Y-yeah.”

With a kind of gentleness that made Komaeda's heart shiver, Hinata brushed his fingertips over the back of his palm before joining their hands. Next, he looked back up with an earnest look in his eyes. “Can I kiss you?” he asked, his face reddening.

Komaeda was silently grateful that he was given the option to yield to his nervousness, but he thought he would've had to have been a fool to turn him down, so he nodded.

With extra care, Hinata placed his hand to his cheek. Komaeda closed his eyes because that was what people were supposed to do, he thought. It also helped to keep his heart inside his chest because he thought it might explode if he had to look at Hinata's face. As his lungs began to ache with the breath he was holding, he felt something soft against his other cheek.

He waited a few seconds, then slowly opened his eyes.

“Was that... Was that a kiss?” he asked, lifting his hand to touch his cheek.

“...Did you miss it? You had your eyes closed.”

Komaeda put his hand back down, tugged on the sleeve of his hospital gown, and pretended to huff in annoyance. “For someone with such abundant talent, I think you could do better than that. You call that a kiss? Don't make me la-”

His sentence was abruptly cut off and his words were sealed by Hinata's lips in a breath-stealing kiss. That time, his eyes were open wide and he didn't miss a thing. That was supposed to be the moment that every story spoke of, he thought, when the world was supposed to freeze for a second or two, when time was supposed to feel infinite, but it was there and gone, the moment passing too quickly. It hit him hard and left him aching with a feeling he couldn't describe. All he knew was that it wasn't a bad feeling, whatever it was.

There was a sense of peace and also a sense of anxiousness.

He wanted to grasp him.

“You can be happy,” Hinata said.

For the sake of protecting his fragile, exhausted heart, Komaeda didn't want to listen. He wanted to cover his ears and call him a liar, but there was something familiar he heard in his voice, something he felt in the tingling of his lips.

There was no stopping the smile that came to his face.

He put his arms around Hinata's shoulders and held him tightly.

“I hope so, too,” he said.


End file.
